In a stunning turn of events, the graduating class of 2017 are all completely in control of their lives.
“They’re all done with their Div IIIs early!” Exclaimed a CASA representative last week. “It’s incredible! We’ve never seen anything like this!”
“I don’t know what all the fuss was, really,” says Bekah Anderson, whose div explores religion through a high fantasy lens. “I’ve already finished the seventh book in the series– it’s a little shorter than the others, only around 200,000 words, but my committee seems happy with it.”
Indeed, division three students can often be seen these days frolicking in the library lawn, skipping through the woods, and throwing bacchanals most weeknights. However, that’s not to imply that they have become lazy: most already have high-paying jobs lined up, and are confident about their futures.
“I have this friend who was worried about where they’re going to live,” said one fourth year, who wished to remain anonymous. “And I was just like, that’s crazy. But everyone else I know has already put a down payment on on a house, so like, they’ll at least have a lot of couches to sleep on until they figure it out. It’s just so sad that it’s taking this long, you know?”