Category Humor

Collegiate-Link Wins Award for Usability

Amy Deyerle-Smith Collegiate-Link, the system Hampshire adopted for the managing of student groups, has just won its fifth consecutive C-Net “Usable as Hell” award for its user-friendly interface! This came as no surprise to Hampshire’s signers, who were all confident about its chances. “It’s nearly a perfect system,” one commented. “Those four menus you have […]

Div IIIs Totally Know What They’re Doing

Amy Deyerle-Smith In a stunning turn of events, the graduating class of 2017 are all completely in control of their lives. “They’re all done with their Div IIIs early!” Exclaimed a CASA representative last week. “It’s incredible! We’ve never seen anything like this!” “I don’t know what all the fuss was, really,” says Bekah Anderson, […]

JLash Opens Up About Retirement Plans

Amy Deyerle-Smith In the few short weeks since Jonathan Lash announced his slowly approaching retirement, a few burning questions have been on the mind of the student body. How can, and should we even, save American democracy as we once knew it? Is it OK to smoke on the Hadley side of the Big Y […]

Jonathan Lash Will be Replaced by His Brother, the Mysterious Racer X

Treat Shepardson Hampshire’s search committee has announced a replacement for outgoing president Jonathan Lash. Racer X, or “The Masked Racer,” will step up as the school’s new head administrator. Mar. X was announced as the incoming president Wednesday night after being found to meet the committee’s main stated criteria of being able to skillfully pilot […]

Kern Center Toilets Want Your Soul

Amy Deyerle-Smith We’ve all been there. Sitting in the Kern center, minding our own business, when nature calls. It starts out as a whisper, just on the edge of your consciousness– if you do not obey, it will grow louder until you find yourself headed towards the nearest throne room. At this point, you’re already […]

The Five Colleges Are Really the Backyardigans

Adina Sunny MYTH: A long held legend in the Pioneer Valley, passed down through the generations, is that the five college consortium was built on the graves of the members of the Mystery Gang, whose exploits were chronicled in the hit television series “Scooby-Doo”. The legend states that each college in the consortium was built […]

Fake Horoscopes for your Real Valentine

By Kenzo Armstrong Aries, this Valentine’s day, treat yourself to a phat doobie and a fresh can of chilled cola. Don’t do anything else. Also the new episode of the Bachelor is available to stream on Tuesday night 😉 Don’t tell me u forgot…. Taurus, the gods of St. Valentine’s day are actually queer. Maybe […]

Anti-Clown Resistance Builds Anti-Clown Bunker

Amy Deyerle-Smith The tweets and news articles warn of “creepy clowns” plaguing America. “Creepy clowns” does not quite cover the horror being experienced as these painted, disturbing costumed humans (???) roam our towns and streets. Merrimack College was on lockdown due to the threat of an “armed clown.” Nothing could be more horrifying—until word went […]

The Cheesebomb Compromise

Amy Deyerle-Smith With Bon Appetit losing favor at a rate matched only by Marco Rubio, they have had to make some serious revisions to their menu in an attempt to win back support from the 18-22 demographic. The solution, a result of numerous brainstorming and focus meetings, is for Dorito Cheesebombs to be served with […]

Student Group Feature: Young Republicans

Amy Deyerle-Smith Are you interested in bringing America back to its individualist roots? Making it great again? Do you believe that free markets mean free people and taxes are the root of all evil? Do you want to watch the lower class pull themselves up by the bootstraps and clap them on the back and […]