Category Humor

Kern Center Renamed to Honor Distinguished Hampshire Band

“Donating the money wasn’t an issue for us. We love Hampshire’s educational philosophy and dream that our kids might go here in the future. Go Blacksheep and Dethrone the Course!” – Jonathan Davis, Korn’s lead bagpiper. Image by Jesse Ditkoff

More Like Zero Taste: An Open Letter to Hampshire College Regarding Its Plans for a “Living Building”.

Adina Fradkov “There be those who say that things and places have souls, and there be those who say they have not; I dare not say, myself, but I will tell of the [goddamn Korn Center]” – H.P. Lovecraft Dear Hampshire College, How DARE you. I’ve read of your plans for a “Living Building”. Zero […]

HSU Seizes Power

Treat Shepardson   AMHERST MA– A potentially dangerous situation is unfolding at Hampshire College, a private liberal arts institution dedicated to the study and bickering about of foofaraws, as the local student union, or “HSU,” has seized the reins of power. The Student Union has redefined its role as “permanent revolutionary army” and promised that […]

Greenwich Doughnuts to be Glazed

Amy Deyerle-Smith Residents of Greenwich will likely see some changes in the upcoming weeks: large groups of workers on the job, and a sweet aroma in the air. Possibly groups of witches looking to make a real estate investment. “We are finally, finally glazing the Greenwich donuts,” said our source in FizzPlant. “It was always […]

Announcement Regarding the Bridge and Korn Cafes

Treat Shepardson As you may have heard, we are excited to be bringing a new vendor on board to manage the bridge and Korn cafes this coming (2016-2017) academic year. The new vendor will be a food service visionary and probably isn’t currently on the board of trustees. The new vendor will, like Christ resurrecting […]

Today Lynn Miller Said

“Get your hands off me, you filthy donuts!” as campus police escorted him 25 feet away from Cole Science Center

Student Life Staff Throws in on Keg Hunt!

Dylan Eli Adam Blaustein Rejto This past Sunday, on Easter Keg Hunt (the Howler’s favorite holiday) you may have stumbled past the Student Life staff huddled around a barrel of Not Your Dad’s Root Beer. Their original theme for the keg was 21+. Appropriately-aged students showed Byron their photo IDs (out-of-staters had to show an […]

Hampshire Joins New Consortium

Dylan Eli In light of recent events at Amherst College and UMASS, Hampshire’s Board of Trustees has voted to withdraw from the five (now four) College Consortium in order to join a gang with a little more style. This means that the new University of California at Hampshire College will open its doors this upcoming […]

Hampshire Lets Loose on Free Bowling Night

Dylan Eli   Last Thursday, while students were being turned away at the door, the CLA staff was caught relaxing with free bowling and pizza at Spare Time in Northampton. A Howler contributor stopped by as Gretchen Labonte brought over a pitcher of PBR for their table.“We never get a chance to hang out as […]

You Are Sarcastically Invited To The Next Knowledge And Wellness Commons Forum

    Come to ASH 112 this Friday, March 25 (that’s today, unless you are looking at our website before or after this week’s paper comes out, in which case bully for you, champ!!) at 11:30 to “participate” in the next “community update meeting” for Hampshire’s Knowledge and Wellness Commons. If you haven’t been keeping […]